Saturday, March 28, 2009

Fixing up your resume, according to the LAT

Is this going to be a recession trend piece? How to craft a resume so you can get hired, aka not rejected?

The most important thing to take away from the article: nobody cares if you're good at Microsoft Word. Everyone can use it.

Access, however, is still magic voodoo and you should probably mention your competency at it, all the time, forever.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Try Again

Thank you for applying for the Account Executive, ********** job with the *** ******* *****. We wanted to inform you that ************ and its subsidiaries will launch a new career website starting March 27, 2009. If you still wish to be considered for the Account Executive, ********** position, please create a new profile at [our website] on or after March 27th and apply for the job on the new ************* career website. Any information or resume submitted by you prior to March 27th will not be forwarded to the new website so it extremely important that you create a new profile. We are an equal opportunity employer.

Thank you,
************* Recruitment

Just Fine Applicant

We want to thank you for your interest in the above mentioned position. We had many fine applicants for the position, including you. However, we have filled the position with someone whose background and credentials we feel best meet our needs at this time. We welcome you to apply for any future positions we have available that match your skills and experience.

Sincerely,

The Hiring Manager for the "Events Manager" Position

********** ******** ********* Inc.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Somebody's hiring...

We are currently looking for intelligent, friendly and dedicated people to work in our Los Angeles area stores. Integrating fashion, sales, art, design and technology, American Apparel offers many unique job opportunities and room for advancement.

We are hosting an open call on Thursday, March 26, from 4pm - 7pm for all positions. Both day and night shifts are available.

If you or someone you know is interested in working for American Apparel, please bring a resume and references to:

American Apparel
Little Tokyo

363 East 2nd St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
Tel. (213) 617-7222
Map & Directions


If you are unable to attend the open call, please contact Sayo Wakita at sayo@americanapparel.net to learn more about job availability in your area.

Practice your best 70s ironic guerrilla porn star face, I guess.

We're not even trying, anymore.

Dear Applicant:



We have received your recent inquiry about an employment possibility
with the *****. We are currently reviewing all
applications received in response to this job announcement. We realize
the importance of your job search. Once we have had an opportunity to
consider all resumes received, we will only contact those applicants
whose background and prior experience appear to be most suited to this
particular position.



We appreciate the time you have taken to inquire about employment with
the *****, and thank you for your interest in our
organization.



Yours truly,

Human Resources Department

Don't call us. We'll call you. It's not me, it's you.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Your Rejection Will Remain a Mystery

Dear ****,

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding employment with our agency.

We have received your resume and will review your qualifications in relation to our staffing needs. Due to the large volume of resumes we receive, we will only be able to contact those applicants whose qualifications most closely match our needs. We will retain your resume for future reference for a period of one year.

In the meantime you have our best wishes for success in your career endeavors and our sincere thanks for your interest in joining our team.


Sincerely,

*****

Sometimes these emails feel like they should have come with a complimentary copy of "He's Just Not That Into You." Ouch.

After Careful Consideration... No.

Dear *******,


Thank you for taking the time to apply for the position of Content Developer. We greatly appreciate your interest in joining ******.
It is our top priority to select a candidate who best matches the skills and experience required to excel in this position. We are impressed with your qualifications but after careful consideration we have decided to pursue other options for this position. Your resume will be kept in our database, and we hope that we have the opportunity to contact you for future positions we feel you are qualified for. Alternatively, feel free to apply for any other position for which match your core skill sets and interests.
We appreciate your interest in ****** and we wish you the best of luck with your job search.

Sincerely,
****** Talent Acquisition

*** This is a system-generated email. Please do not reply.***

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Join Our Network of People We Deemed Talentless The First Go Round

Hi ********,

We wanted to thank you for expressing interest in our Assistant Manager of Content role. We have now filled the position and wish you well in your search.

If you're not already a member, I'd like to invite you to join our Talent Network, so that you can be the first to hear about future opportunities at ***********.

Please keep us in mind as your career develops.

Thanks again for considering **********.

-***********

College Rejection in the News

(Well, if you consider a NYT blog on parenting... news.)

This is pretty hilarious. It's how to deal with your kid getting rejected from college. Sort of. (That is, if they tell you and don't end up creating their own crazy college and learning lots of life lessons along the way.)

Here are the takeaways from the post:

  1. Rejection builds character. It teaches your special child that maybe not everyone recognizes that they are in fact special and this is good because your child will learn that because of this, other people are stupid for not seeing their inner snowflake.
  2. Technology is really annoying. Some colleges tell your child they have been accepted via text or a video link with cheering. But if you are rejected, you merely receive a letter. Personally, a link to Fail Blog would have been funnier.
  3. Some schools are so cheap they won't even send you a rejection letter and you literally do get the hoity toity academic version of a link to Fail Blog.
  4. Cry.
  5. Nothing is funnier than listening to someone complain about their 5-year-old kid getting rejected from ritzy private schools. This in no way impacts your child unless you're telling them they are a failure. Otherwise that kid is like, dude, can I watch Dora and eat some crackers? Let's color! Trucks! Hey let's go swimming! Can I play with your dog?!! !

We Wish You Continued Success In Your Career With Someone Else

Thank you for taking the time to apply for the Affiliate Marketing Specialist position. After careful consideration, we have decided to continue our search for a candidate whose background and qualifications more closely match the requirements of the position.

Your profile and resume will be maintained in our database, which will allow us to consider you for future positions. In addition, we recommend that you visit [our website] regularly to ensure that you have an opportunity to apply for jobs in which you are most interested.

We appreciate your interest in ******* and wish you continued success in your career.

Sincerely,
******* Recruiting

Sincerely The Hiring Manager For This "Job"

We want to thank you for your interest in the above mentioned position. We had many fine applicants for the position, including you. However, we have filled the position with someone whose background and credentials we feel best meet our needs at this time. We welcome you to apply for any future positions we have available that match your skills and experience.

Sincerely,

The Hiring Manager for the "Community Affairs Trainee - **********" Position

******** Jobs