Take A Moment to Reject You

Dear XXXXXXXX,

Thank you very much for your interest in the XXXXXXXXXXXXXX Project Manager position we recently posted. We wanted to take a moment to inform you that we have now filled this position. We have reviewed your resume and will keep it on file for future opportunities. We wish you well on your job search.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Who Is With Me?

Moving Forward Without You

11/30/2009
Reference: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (XXXXXXXX)
Business Unit/Division-Department: Entry Level Positions-Entry Level Positions

Dear XXXXXXXXXX,


Thank you for your interest in XXXXXXXXXXX and our open position. We receive many resumes and our selection process is very thorough.

Currently, we have decided to move forward with other applicants whose experience and skills are more closely aligned to this position. We encourage you to visit www.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.com often and apply to other positions that may be of interest to you. This is the quickest way to be considered for other XXXXXXXXXXX opportunities.

Again, we thank you for your interest in XXXXXXXXXXX and we wish you the best of luck in your career search.


Sincerely,

XXXXXXXXXXX

7 minutes in Heaven with Bonus Incomplete Sentences

Resume Submitted: 11:29 AM

Rejection Received: 11:36 AM

Dear XXXXX,

Thank you for pursuing a career at XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. After reviewing your resume, we noticed that you have a different (although impressive), we have decided to pursue other candidates with a foundation in Corporate Meeting Planning and/or Conference Services Management. We wish you success in your job search. Thank you again and have a nice weekend and a lovely Thanksgiving!

Warm regards,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Office Administrator for
XXXXXXXXXXXXX, CEO
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"XXXXXXX... Where Clients Come First"

It Has Been A While, You Still Suck

Dear XXXXX,

We are excited that you are interested in opportunities at XXXX XXXXXXX.

We have taken a great deal of care in reviewing each applicant that has applied to us. After careful consideration, we have determined that your credentials were not a fit for XXXX XXXXXXX at this time.

We wish you the best in your job search.

Cordially,
Human Resources
XXXX XXXXXXX

One Reason You Might Be Rejected

According to the WSJ, people hiring are only interested in hiring the currently employed.

But many employers are bypassing the jobless to target those still working, reasoning that these survivors are the top performers.

Sort of like roaches in a nuclear holocaust, no?

Polite Rejection

Dear X,

Thank you for your interest in pursuing a career at X. We appreciate the time you took to apply for a job opportunity at our company.

Your background and experience are impressive, however, we will not be pursuing your candidacy at this time. We will, however, keep your resume on file should another suitable position become available that matches your background.

Again we appreciate your interest in X and wish you success in your career endeavors.

Sincerely,
X Recruitment.

California

Simple majority to amend the Constitution.

2/3rds to pass a budget.

Oh, California. Rejecting gay marriage/human rights *and* budgets, left and right.

For when you care enough to hit send.

This is relevant.

Rejection Rehab

Apparently rejection is bad for your self-esteem.

In The Red And Depressed

Check out this interactive map of jobs across the country vanishing!

Salt in the Higher Education Wound

Some jackass at the University of California, San Diego, accidentally sent an email inviting students who had already been rejected to an orientation at UCSD.

Nice.

Obviously they don't use Gmail or they could have used that unsend feature.

Fixing up your resume, according to the LAT

Is this going to be a recession trend piece? How to craft a resume so you can get hired, aka not rejected?

The most important thing to take away from the article: nobody cares if you're good at Microsoft Word. Everyone can use it.

Access, however, is still magic voodoo and you should probably mention your competency at it, all the time, forever.

Try Again

Thank you for applying for the Account Executive, ********** job with the *** ******* *****. We wanted to inform you that ************ and its subsidiaries will launch a new career website starting March 27, 2009. If you still wish to be considered for the Account Executive, ********** position, please create a new profile at [our website] on or after March 27th and apply for the job on the new ************* career website. Any information or resume submitted by you prior to March 27th will not be forwarded to the new website so it extremely important that you create a new profile. We are an equal opportunity employer.

Thank you,
************* Recruitment

Just Fine Applicant

We want to thank you for your interest in the above mentioned position. We had many fine applicants for the position, including you. However, we have filled the position with someone whose background and credentials we feel best meet our needs at this time. We welcome you to apply for any future positions we have available that match your skills and experience.

Sincerely,

The Hiring Manager for the "Events Manager" Position

********** ******** ********* Inc.

Somebody's hiring...

We are currently looking for intelligent, friendly and dedicated people to work in our Los Angeles area stores. Integrating fashion, sales, art, design and technology, American Apparel offers many unique job opportunities and room for advancement.

We are hosting an open call on Thursday, March 26, from 4pm - 7pm for all positions. Both day and night shifts are available.

If you or someone you know is interested in working for American Apparel, please bring a resume and references to:

American Apparel
Little Tokyo
363 East 2nd St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
Tel. (213) 617-7222
Map & Directions


If you are unable to attend the open call, please contact Sayo Wakita at sayo@americanapparel.net to learn more about job availability in your area.

Practice your best 70s ironic guerrilla porn star face, I guess.

We're not even trying, anymore.

Dear Applicant:



We have received your recent inquiry about an employment possibility
with the *****. We are currently reviewing all
applications received in response to this job announcement. We realize
the importance of your job search. Once we have had an opportunity to
consider all resumes received, we will only contact those applicants
whose background and prior experience appear to be most suited to this
particular position.



We appreciate the time you have taken to inquire about employment with
the *****, and thank you for your interest in our
organization.



Yours truly,

Human Resources Department

Don't call us. We'll call you. It's not me, it's you.

Your Rejection Will Remain a Mystery

Dear ****,

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding employment with our agency.

We have received your resume and will review your qualifications in relation to our staffing needs. Due to the large volume of resumes we receive, we will only be able to contact those applicants whose qualifications most closely match our needs. We will retain your resume for future reference for a period of one year.

In the meantime you have our best wishes for success in your career endeavors and our sincere thanks for your interest in joining our team.


Sincerely,

*****

Sometimes these emails feel like they should have come with a complimentary copy of "He's Just Not That Into You." Ouch.

After Careful Consideration... No.

Dear *******,

Thank you for taking the time to apply for the position of Content Developer. We greatly appreciate your interest in joining ******.

It is our top priority to select a candidate who best matches the skills and experience required to excel in this position. We are impressed with your qualifications but after careful consideration we have decided to pursue other options for this position. Your resume will be kept in our database, and we hope that we have the opportunity to contact you for future positions we feel you are qualified for. Alternatively, feel free to apply for any other position for which match your core skill sets and interests.

We appreciate your interest in ****** and we wish you the best of luck with your job search.

Sincerely,
****** Talent Acquisition

*** This is a system-generated email. Please do not reply.***

Join Our Network of People We Deemed Talentless The First Go Round

Hi ********,

We wanted to thank you for expressing interest in our Assistant Manager of Content role. We have now filled the position and wish you well in your search.

If you're not already a member, I'd like to invite you to join our Talent Network, so that you can be the first to hear about future opportunities at ***********.

Please keep us in mind as your career develops.

Thanks again for considering **********.

-***********

College Rejection in the News

(Well, if you consider a NYT blog on parenting... news.)

This is pretty hilarious. It's how to deal with your kid getting rejected from college. Sort of. (That is, if they tell you and don't end up creating their own crazy college and learning lots of life lessons along the way.)

Here are the takeaways from the post:

1. Rejection builds character. It teaches your special child that maybe not everyone recognizes that they are in fact special and this is good because your child will learn that because of this, other people are stupid for not seeing their inner snowflake.
2. Technology is really annoying. Some colleges tell your child they have been accepted via text or a video link with cheering. But if you are rejected, you merely receive a letter. Personally, a link to Fail Blog would have been funnier.
   
3. Some schools are so cheap they won't even send you a rejection letter and you literally do get the hoity toity academic version of a link to Fail Blog.
4. Cry.
5. Nothing is funnier than listening to someone complain about their 5-year-old kid getting rejected from ritzy private schools. This in no way impacts your child unless you're telling them they are a failure. Otherwise that kid is like, dude, can I watch Dora and eat some crackers? Let's color! Trucks! Hey let's go swimming! Can I play with your dog?!! !
   

We Wish You Continued Success In Your Career With Someone Else

Thank you for taking the time to apply for the Affiliate Marketing Specialist position. After careful consideration, we have decided to continue our search for a candidate whose background and qualifications more closely match the requirements of the position.

Your profile and resume will be maintained in our database, which will allow us to consider you for future positions. In addition, we recommend that you visit [our website] regularly to ensure that you have an opportunity to apply for jobs in which you are most interested.

We appreciate your interest in ******* and wish you continued success in your career.

Sincerely,
******* Recruiting

Sincerely The Hiring Manager For This "Job"

We want to thank you for your interest in the above mentioned position. We had many fine applicants for the position, including you. However, we have filled the position with someone whose background and credentials we feel best meet our needs at this time. We welcome you to apply for any future positions we have available that match your skills and experience.

Sincerely,

The Hiring Manager for the "Community Affairs Trainee - **********" Position

******** Jobs

Clarity is Key

Please note: Submitting a resume to ********* Careers implies that you are interested in a position(s), but does not mean you are an applicant. Although it differs throughout our various companies, you are usually not considered an applicant until you have been contacted by a Human Resources representative. Then, you may be asked to begin the designated application process, which may involve an interview and/or job-related testing. ************ Inc. and its affiliated companies is an equal opportunity employer and supports workforce diversity.

Isn't that what Monistat is for?

Hi ***************,

Thank you for your interest in joining ***********. At this time, we have successfully made a hire for the International Marketing Coordinator. The hiring managers in that department gave priority to internal applicants for that position, given that as a company, ******* is cultivating a culture of growth from within.

I will keep your resume on file so that you may be considered for similar opportunities as they arise. In the meantime, please feel free to check our available openings via our website, **********************.

Best Regards,

****** ********

I'm still horrified by the cultivation of a culture of growth. Usually that means it's time to clean out the fridge.

Bitch Please: Rejection Face as an Art Form

Blair Waldorf is having none of whatever it is you're serving. None of it.

You Just Don't Fit The Cookie Cutter

Hi **********,



Thank you for attending the Guest Services Hiring Fair on Tuesday night. We appreciate your interest in our team. Although we were impressed with your background, we have decided to move forward with other candidates who more closely match our qualifications for this position. I truly wish you the best of luck in your job search and I am looking forward to our paths crossing again in the future.





Sincerely,

*********

You Were Rejected, But Check Out How Cool Our Technology Is!

Dear ********,

I am sending you this email as you either applied directly to ************ for the position of Executive Assistant, Job Number ******** or your resume was in our database and you were considered for this position.

We wanted to inform you that this position has been filled.

We would still like to maintain your resume/CV in our electronic database located in the U.S., hosted by a third party provider.

The database allows us to match the skills on your resume/CV against the requirements of other open positions. If a relevant match is made, a business representative will contact you to discuss the opportunity.

By initially sending in your resume/CV, you consented to your resume/CV being processed and maintained in our electronic database consistent with ********* Candidate Data Protection Standards. You may review these guidelines at our website. If you no longer consent, please send an email to ***************** requesting that your resume be deleted from the database. Please provide your full first name, last name, mailing address and home telephone number. Any emails sent to this address for any other purpose other than the above will not be responded to and will be discarded. Alternatively, you may send a letter to the address provided in ********* Candidate Data Protection Standards.

If you would like to know what other positions are available at ******, please visit our website. Job opportunities that are available and open to external candidates will be posted on this site. You can easily set up a job agent and be notified via email when available job openings that meet your criteria are posted to the site. Simply click on Expanded Search and then Job Agent and follow the instructions.

Once again, we thank you for your interest in ********* and we wish you every success in your job search.

Sincerely,

******** Human Resources

Has anyone ever told you?

your art sucks.

Rejection Are Serious Business

NOTICE OF RESULTS

ISF Ineligible - You did not meet the selective placement factor requirement for this position.

ID You do not meet the minimum education and/or experience requirements for this specialty and grade.

PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL MESSAGE. IT IS AUTOMATICALLY GENERATED.

For additional information, please refer to the vacancy announcement for this position.

The Many Get Rejected

Dear Marketing Assistant applicant,

Thank you for your interest in working at the *******************. I regret to inform you that the Marketing Assistant position has been filled. I know many of you applied a month or two ago, but it was a long process to find the right person. In any case, I just wanted to let you know that the search has been closed.

Best wishes in your job search, if you are still looking.

-********

The best part of this letter is how utterly impersonal (all of you many people who applied for this job) it is but then the author tries to add a personal touch--"if you're still looking."

RSVP Rejected

Hi ******…

I’m sorry… We’ve closed the list for now but have started a (still short) waitlist. I”ll add you to it and if we get dropouts, I’ll contact you and give you more details as we work them out.

Thanks much and hopefully we’ll get in touch soon.

You can't even get accepted into a wine tasting. That's how much rejection you've just been served. Instead of wine.

Rejection in Popular Culture and Local News, aka... WTF?

1. Look! A rejection hotline! So you can give someone your number and they can call it, and feel like a complete loser! It's world famous since 2001! It's basically in kindergarten.
   
2. A Pasadena Arts & Culture commissioner resigned because of a rejected public art proposal. Is Pasadena anti-art or anti-bad-art? You be the judge.
   

Rejection hurts everywhere, people.

Succinct.

Your Name Here,

Thanks for your interest in the position. Unfortunately, your background and experience does not fit with our needs at this time.

Best of luck to you,
Their Name Here

Because what's the point in beating around the bush?

Hey, You Suck

Hey, we have reviewed your application and unfortunately don't have an opening for you.

We will keep your resume on file, and let you know if more positions open up.

Signed...

Applicant,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your resume for the position listed below.

Unfortunately, we have identified other candidates whose background and experience more closely meet the requirements for this position.

You are welcome to continue reviewing our employment opportunities and to apply for those positions for which you feel you qualify.

Again, thank you for your time and the interest you have expressed in our Company.

I wish you well in your endeavors.

Position Title: Executive Assistant I
Requisition ID: ******

If and Only If

Being rejected is tough, but at least it is closure. However, I have noticed a trend in many of my recent applications to various institutions that they aren't even into rejecting you anymore.

Here are a few examples of what I am talking about:

"Your resume has been forwarded to the recruiting team assigned to your chosen job. If you are among the candidates selected to interview, you will be contacted directly by one of our recruiters regarding the process and timing."


"We have received your resume and are currently reviewing your credentials. Should we determine that your background and experience meets our hiring needs, we will contact you with further instructions."

"If you have applied for a posted position (not future notification) and have not heard back from a representative from the *************** within 30 days after the job expires, they most likely are considering other applicants. However, you are always welcome to come back and reapply for other openings as they become available. Make sure you have filled out all the information so that we can notify you when new positions are posted."


Maybe it is just me, but this The Only Way You Know You Were Rejected Is If You NEVER Hear From Us policy is a little lame. You obviously have my email in your database, it doesn't seem that hard to send out a mass rejection email to all those poor souls that have been waiting, wishing, wanting... As crappy as rejection is, it is still closure.

Turnabout is Fair Play

Hilarious. Thanks to Sonya.

Public Service

Dear *********,

Thank you very much for your interest in Teach For America and for the time and effort you invested in applying to the **** corps. I am very sorry to inform you that, after careful consideration of your application, we did not select you to advance to the next stage of our admissions process.

Your initiative in applying to Teach For America demonstrates your commitment to expanding opportunities for children and affecting social change. While we would like to offer all candidates a path to realizing these aims, we know that Teach For America is not a fit for everyone. Over time we have developed a set of selection criteria that helps us select those most likely to be successful in our particular program.

We know, however, that you have the potential to make a significant contribution to meeting our country's pressing social needs, and we encourage you to pursue other ways to make a difference. To assist you in your pursuit, we have posted on our website a list of recommended resources. If you also are interested in being contacted by educational and service-oriented organizations that may wish to recruit Teach For America applicants for similar opportunities, you can complete a short form here.

Although this e-mail may bring disappointment, I hope that your experience with Teach For America thus far has been positive. If you would like to share any anonymous feedback on our admissions process, we welcome your reflections and suggestions here.

Lastly, I am sorry that we will not be able to provide individual feedback on admissions decisions, given that we do not have the resources to handle the volume of potential requests. We attempt to minimize the disappointment we know this can cause by being upfront about this policy in our application.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

*********** *********

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. -MLK, Jr.

Anybody, that is, except for, uh, you. Best of luck!

Did they even know what job was applied for?

Thank you for submitting your application for the position listed in the subject line. This position has been filled with another candidate. Although this particular job is no longer available, please remember that we will still consider you for other positions that match your qualifications.

Please keep an eye on our job openings as they are updated frequently and thank you for making ***** part of your job search!

This might be the most impersonal response I've seen yet. Form letters, FTW!

The Christmas Grinch

*******,

Thank you for taking the time to apply with us. We are unable to offer you a position at this time, but we do appreciate your interest in Target.

Target **********

Undertake This Employment Discussion

January 12, 2009


Ms. **********
EMail: **********

Dear Ms. *********:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding employment opportunities with *********** Consulting Group.

After reviewing your background in the context of our current hiring needs, we have decided not to undertake employment discussions with you.

We do appreciate your interest in *********** Consulting Group and wish you every success in locating a challenging and rewarding position.


Sincerely,


****************
North America Recruiting Manager

Lacks Umph But In The Right Direction

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: ***********
Date: Sun, Dec 7, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Subject: Re: Poetry Submission: ***********
To: *********

Dear *********, After reviewing your submissions we've decided to pass. While we did like your poems, they lacked the umph we were looking for. It's hard to describe exactly what we didn't like about them. We do feel like you're going in the right direction, though. We appreciate your submission and hope you will submit to us again. If you have a moment, please record our response times here: *************** Thanks, ***** and ******, Editors

Silly Symphonies

From: ******
Date: Wed, May 2, 2007 at 8:13 AM
Subject: Orchestra Library Internship
To: ******


Dear ******,

Thank you again for your interest in applying for the Orchestra Library Internship. It was a pleasure to meet you!

I am sorry that I am unable to offer you a position at this time. There were many qualified applicants this year. Your resume was impressive and you should be confident that you will be successful in your chosen field.



I wish you a good summer and my very best in future years!



Yours sincerely,



******, Librarian

********** Philharmonic

Thanks, But No Thanks

Do you have a great rejection letter? A silly sob story about how your lover dumped you via text message? A generally insane story where you just got flat out rejected?

GOOD!

We want them! Send your rejections to rejectionletters@gmail.com and we will help to dull the pain by laughing with you over life's little let downs.