Succinct.

Your Name Here,

Thanks for your interest in the position. Unfortunately, your background and experience does not fit with our needs at this time.

Best of luck to you,
Their Name Here

Because what's the point in beating around the bush?

Hey, You Suck

Hey, we have reviewed your application and unfortunately don't have an opening for you.

We will keep your resume on file, and let you know if more positions open up.

Signed...

Applicant,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your resume for the position listed below.

Unfortunately, we have identified other candidates whose background and experience more closely meet the requirements for this position.

You are welcome to continue reviewing our employment opportunities and to apply for those positions for which you feel you qualify.

Again, thank you for your time and the interest you have expressed in our Company.

I wish you well in your endeavors.

Position Title: Executive Assistant I
Requisition ID: ******

If and Only If

Being rejected is tough, but at least it is closure. However, I have noticed a trend in many of my recent applications to various institutions that they aren't even into rejecting you anymore.

Here are a few examples of what I am talking about:

"Your resume has been forwarded to the recruiting team assigned to your chosen job. If you are among the candidates selected to interview, you will be contacted directly by one of our recruiters regarding the process and timing."


"We have received your resume and are currently reviewing your credentials. Should we determine that your background and experience meets our hiring needs, we will contact you with further instructions."

"If you have applied for a posted position (not future notification) and have not heard back from a representative from the *************** within 30 days after the job expires, they most likely are considering other applicants. However, you are always welcome to come back and reapply for other openings as they become available. Make sure you have filled out all the information so that we can notify you when new positions are posted."


Maybe it is just me, but this The Only Way You Know You Were Rejected Is If You NEVER Hear From Us policy is a little lame. You obviously have my email in your database, it doesn't seem that hard to send out a mass rejection email to all those poor souls that have been waiting, wishing, wanting... As crappy as rejection is, it is still closure.

Turnabout is Fair Play

Hilarious. Thanks to Sonya.

Public Service

Dear *********,

Thank you very much for your interest in Teach For America and for the time and effort you invested in applying to the **** corps. I am very sorry to inform you that, after careful consideration of your application, we did not select you to advance to the next stage of our admissions process.

Your initiative in applying to Teach For America demonstrates your commitment to expanding opportunities for children and affecting social change. While we would like to offer all candidates a path to realizing these aims, we know that Teach For America is not a fit for everyone. Over time we have developed a set of selection criteria that helps us select those most likely to be successful in our particular program.

We know, however, that you have the potential to make a significant contribution to meeting our country's pressing social needs, and we encourage you to pursue other ways to make a difference. To assist you in your pursuit, we have posted on our website a list of recommended resources. If you also are interested in being contacted by educational and service-oriented organizations that may wish to recruit Teach For America applicants for similar opportunities, you can complete a short form here.

Although this e-mail may bring disappointment, I hope that your experience with Teach For America thus far has been positive. If you would like to share any anonymous feedback on our admissions process, we welcome your reflections and suggestions here.

Lastly, I am sorry that we will not be able to provide individual feedback on admissions decisions, given that we do not have the resources to handle the volume of potential requests. We attempt to minimize the disappointment we know this can cause by being upfront about this policy in our application.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

*********** *********

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. -MLK, Jr.

Anybody, that is, except for, uh, you. Best of luck!

Did they even know what job was applied for?

Thank you for submitting your application for the position listed in the subject line. This position has been filled with another candidate. Although this particular job is no longer available, please remember that we will still consider you for other positions that match your qualifications.

Please keep an eye on our job openings as they are updated frequently and thank you for making ***** part of your job search!

This might be the most impersonal response I've seen yet. Form letters, FTW!

The Christmas Grinch

*******,

Thank you for taking the time to apply with us. We are unable to offer you a position at this time, but we do appreciate your interest in Target.

Target **********

Undertake This Employment Discussion

January 12, 2009


Ms. **********
EMail: **********

Dear Ms. *********:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding employment opportunities with *********** Consulting Group.

After reviewing your background in the context of our current hiring needs, we have decided not to undertake employment discussions with you.

We do appreciate your interest in *********** Consulting Group and wish you every success in locating a challenging and rewarding position.


Sincerely,


****************
North America Recruiting Manager

Lacks Umph But In The Right Direction

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: ***********
Date: Sun, Dec 7, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Subject: Re: Poetry Submission: ***********
To: *********

Dear *********, After reviewing your submissions we've decided to pass. While we did like your poems, they lacked the umph we were looking for. It's hard to describe exactly what we didn't like about them. We do feel like you're going in the right direction, though. We appreciate your submission and hope you will submit to us again. If you have a moment, please record our response times here: *************** Thanks, ***** and ******, Editors

Silly Symphonies

From: ******
Date: Wed, May 2, 2007 at 8:13 AM
Subject: Orchestra Library Internship
To: ******


Dear ******,

Thank you again for your interest in applying for the Orchestra Library Internship. It was a pleasure to meet you!

I am sorry that I am unable to offer you a position at this time. There were many qualified applicants this year. Your resume was impressive and you should be confident that you will be successful in your chosen field.



I wish you a good summer and my very best in future years!



Yours sincerely,



******, Librarian

********** Philharmonic

Thanks, But No Thanks

Do you have a great rejection letter? A silly sob story about how your lover dumped you via text message? A generally insane story where you just got flat out rejected?

GOOD!

We want them! Send your rejections to rejectionletters@gmail.com and we will help to dull the pain by laughing with you over life's little let downs.